the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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