I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
