OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
