i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
