ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
