it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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