Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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