I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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