So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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