she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
