So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
