im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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