My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize