Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
