Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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