3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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