think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
