farters have to be the big spoon...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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