Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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