So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
