Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
