worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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