I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
