He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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