I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
