just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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