So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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