Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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