Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize