I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
