She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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