I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
