Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
