So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
