we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
