I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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