I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
