All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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