have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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