i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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