I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again