Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.