Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.