BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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