I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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