Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
