I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude. I can hear the air.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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