Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
