From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
