I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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