Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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