Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
