Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
