he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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