You made me cry and you don't even care
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
