our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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