I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
