I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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