I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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