I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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