we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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