you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
