Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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