You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
