There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
