Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
