Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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